Ian's 'Deep Thoughts' on Siffy's "Malibu Shark Attack"

TV Arts

Ian's 'Deep Thoughts':

I *can't* believe they took a movie with a title like "Malibu Shark 
Attack" and made it into a freakin' *bottle show*. 

Really, Psy-Phi?! 
What's a bottle show?  I have the movie recorded because I liked Peta 
Wilson so much in LFN.
I'll bite.
Oh... Peta Wilson is in it? Hmm, I may have to sample the movie if
only to see how her looks have changed since she was in LFN.
She looks like she's her own grandmother who ate an entire Kentucky 
Fried Chicken franchise, building and all.
Ah.. Darn. I saw a picture of her a few years back and she was on that
track but you always hope that the hotties get back to their old look.
So long as aging is good to their face they can still look great as
their age, see Michele Pfeiffer for a perfect example.  But when
someone seems to let themselves go.. umm. what's her name from
Romancing the Stone Kathleen Turner comes to mind. I don't know if
it's alcohol or medical issues but she looks nothing like her old self
Well, being married to someone who doesn't mind that she gets face
lifts periodically doesn't hurt (but yes, she does still look good).

But when

She has RA and most likely uses Prednisone (the bane of any
inflammatory disease sufferer).  Moon face is the least of what that
shit does to a person.  She preferred that people thought she was
drinking rather than be honest about her disease.
Kirstie Alley?
Not. Good.  :(
The term applies to the episodes of an action-adventure series that take
place entirely on existing sets. No stunt guest star casting. No
expensive FX. No big production numbers with expensive-to-stage scenes.

These are the talky episodes.

I'm not sure how the term applies to a movie, given that the sets are
purpose built anyway. But I guess Ian meant there was a lot more talking
than chewing and shredding taking place.
Specifically, 'bottle shows' usually take place on *one* set (for TV 
shows, maybe two sets), with basically no exteriors. (They don't 
*necessarily* have to be 'talky', though I guess on TV shows they 
usually are...) 

Anyway, after the first 15 minutes of "Malibu Shark Attack", they were 
trapped inside a lifeguard tower for most of the rest of the movie: i.e. 
one set, no exteriors. 

What a rip-off!! 

Ian  (A lot of Siffy's movies tend to be 'bottle shows' - movies that 
take place on one spaceship, or inside one bunker, etc. so there's 
basically only one set of sets, and that's it, because they're 
And then the entire finale is shot at night so you can't see what's 
happening.  I love the guy in the metal storage shed, underwater, door 
closed, at night, looking around for (and finding) a chainsaw . . .
What's he going to do with a chainsaw     underwater?
Fight a shark.  Really.
Oh! So this was a land shark attack.
Harmony actually SAYS "I've heard sharks can come right up on land and 
eat you" to which the guy replies "Only if they're wearing sneakers"

That was actually by far the best dialog and best moment (where no one 
you hated was being eaten) in the entire thing.
No - that would have been a better movie!  :(
OK, thanks, Adam.